I haven't updated the blog. I am sorry, I haven't have time. We had a lovely Easter. I have precious pictures from Easter, Easton wore the cutest outfit EVER and I have pictures from a precious play date. But I have not updated the blog. Why haven't I updated, you ask? Because I am suffering from an illness, an addiction.
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It all started the weekend before Easter. My introduction to my latest drug. I was hit and sucked in.
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I feel like I have been living a double life. Or rather, one that doesn't include my real world anymore. I am involved with characters with whom the likes I never thought I would encounter. I am intrigued, I am pulled, I am obsessed.
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I have my feasting on my latest addiction and enjoying the "high".
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This afternoon I finished a "high". I couldn't get my next fix quite yet because we had friends to visit with. After the visit, I begged Ryan to help me acquire my next fix. He reluctantly agreed.
I ran and ran and I searched and scoured and my next fix could not be found. I begrudgingly came back to the car, starting to sweat, I had to get my fix tonight. The desire was going to kill me. But I have a family. I have to think about them, I cannot continue to neglect them.
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So we went home and I tried to put my desire at bay by focusing on my family, I put my sweet baby boy to bed. I call my mother, I told her that I could only talk briefly because I was in search of my next fix. She gasped in disbelief, she didn't know my addiction had gotten this bad. I didn't even say goodbye to my husband before I ran out the door.
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It was 9:15 at night.
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I made a second stop, I searched and scoured - to no avail. I drove across town and made another stop - I didn't even acknowledge the smiling faces that greeted me, I didn't have time for them. I made my way to where I knew I could acquire the object of my desire. Nothing, gone. My hands started to tremble and my stomach started tying itself up into knots.
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"I could always quench my thirst tomorrow after church", I thought to myself on my way back to my car. But no, I couldn't do that. I would be sweating all through church, I wouldn't be able to concentrate, I wouldn't be able to breathe!
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Then it hit me as I got into my car, I checked the clock on my dashboard, 9:52 it read. "I might still have time", I said aloud. I always talk to myself, this was not a side effect of my latest drug.
I raced and sped and threw myself out the car door and noticed a sign on the door of my next stop, "Close at 10:00" and looked up at the large clock on the building, 9:58. I had two minutes, I didn't even need one minute, I knew what I wanted, what I needed....
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I whipped open the door, feeling cooler, knowing that I would soon feel the satisfaction of feeding my hunger. And there it was, waiting just for me.
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I threw myself at the cashier and smacked down my treasure, "I am so ashamed", I told her as she laughed. "Why is that?" she asked and I told her I had been to three other stores in search of my latest fix. She said she understood, I hoped that she truly did. I had no problem forking over the $21.19 for my precious jewel, I knew my satisfaction would be worth it. The wait would be over, I would again feel my "high". There I was, walking to my car in possession of my drug, my literary crack.
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Yup. I said it, literary crack.
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I got home and my husband raced up the steps, "Where in the heck have you been!?" and I told him my story. He shook his head in disgust. I told him he didn't understand, I couldn't help it, I was in too deep.
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"You need a life" my husband scoffed at me as I watched him walk to his favorite place to relax, with my copy of "Twilight" in his hand. I laughed. Looks like he and I share the same drug of choice.
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I will update the blog soon with light, silly commentary and sweetie pie Easton pictures soon. Right now I am devouring my latest conquest, "Eclipse"....don't bother me. ;-)
