We lost our baby. I am supposed to be 11 weeks today. The baby died at 8 weeks. We say good-bye tomorrow.
We mourn the dream of who this baby could have been. We mourn the "plan" of having kids 4 years apart, we mourn our loss of control, we mourn our sense of security in pregnancy, we mourn the loss of joy, we mourn the loss of OUR child. We mourn the fact that this loss affects our son who was so looking forward to being a big brother and who has a baby in his tummy. We mourn the fact that he has to learn a very hard lesson at such a young age. We mourn the fact that our loved ones have also suffered a loss. We mourn the time that was "wasted" with a pregnancy that never truly came into fruition.
Maybe I shouldn't be posting this, maybe its too private to share? But I need this, I need this for me. I took some darling photos of my boys in their "Big Brother" t-shirts. I love this picture so much, I am so sad that I am not sharing it with you all to "break" our exciting news, but rather sharing it to "break" to you our very sad news.
Good-bye baby. May you find peace and joy in the arms of your Heavenly Father and we will excitedly meet you someday. We loved you, if only for a short time.
Tomorrow we will say good-bye and I will move on, because I have to. But it doesn't make the pain hurt any less.
My sweet, sweet, babies. My boys, my loves.
